Battleship: Summer’s Biggest Disappointment
Twitchy and sporadic, excessive use of blue backlight, Visual effects… am I watching a Michael Bay Film?
A Powerful signal is sent into space by NASA in 2005 to discover life on a distant planet that shows similar characteristics to that of earth. Round about the same time Stone Hopper (Alexander Skarsgard) is frustrated with Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) for slacking off and ruining his life and demands he mends his ways. But after showing no respect Stone forces Alex to join him in the Navy.
Fast forward to 2012, Alex is doing well in the Navy yet he seizes to be more responsible and is still caught slacking off numerous times. He is in bad terms with United States Pacific Fleet commanding officer Admiral Shane (Liam Neeson) who also happens to be the father of his girlfriend Samantha Shane (Brooklyn Decker). This makes him very nervous as he wants to propose to marry Samantha to the Admiral. During the Rim of the Pacific Exercise, RIMPAC, (the world’s largest international maritime exercise) Alex’s juvenile behaviour put him on thin leash and there are rumours of him being sacked soon. Yet there is much to worry about.
A small fleet of five alien ships arrives in response to the NASA signal. One ship collides with an orbital satellite and crashes in Hong Kong, while four others land in the waters near Hawaii. Initially thinking it is another RIMPAC exercise, Alex accompanied by Raikes (Rihanna) and a boat operator go closer to investigate. But this causes the alien ship to put up their shield. As the Humans try to establish contact the Alien ship opens fire and destroys 2 of the 3 ships trapped in the Alien shield. Admiral Shane is off limits out of the shield, and as the next commanding officer Alex must now muster courage and leadership after the death of his brother and get everyone to safety.
The best thing about the movie is the incorporation of the Battleship game in real life. Unfortunately the scene lasted for about 10 minutes. Most of the movie looked like it was directed by Michael Bay, like a person suffering from ADHD directed the movie. It followed the same pattern of visual stimulation often reaching excessive levels of the trade mark Bay blue backlight and metal to metal (what can only be described as) sex as they transform from one thing to another and then BOOM! It’s almost like he has used leftover CG from transformers.
The story is a weird to say the least there is no flow to the film; it is so bad it’s almost hilarious and the characters are clichés with shambolic one liners, but that could stem from extremely bad acting, I mean Rihanna… really? Liam doesn’t count, he was all there for a few microsecond. It is funny how high tech alien technology is not enough to dodge a satellite. By the way are the aliens good? Are the bad? Are they threatened? Or are the Humans just don’t want ugly things on earth? Racist I tell ya…
As it stands Battleship is a completely mental, completely bombastic, completely stupid summer blockbuster.
Here is a trailer…
Oshee’s rating: 1/5
MPAA Rating: Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence, action and destruction, and for language